5 Tips for Raising Boys to Be Good Men

Cartwheel! Hooray! Crosswalk.com just commissioned my first piece especially for them, and this one couldn't be closer to my heart. While I am knee-deep in boyhood, there is something here for every parent. Tip #5 is a favorite. If you want your child to dream big, lead with wisdom, and have an open heart, I hope you read this!

My one-year-old at the beach recently

I always thought my first child would be a boy. My second son was a surprise. Fast forward several years later, and I am the proud mother of three growing boys, including a preteen and toddler. 

I still recall the day a friend of mine and I were talking about having boys while our oldest children, who were still infants, played nearby. “I want to raise gentlemen,” she said. “The world needs more gentlemen.” And just like that, a mission of mine was born. 

Raising sons who will become men is an adventure, especially for me who only had a sister growing up. I have been indoctrinated into a world that knows surprisingly less drama, or maybe it’s just masked in building challenges and wrestling.

Regardless, the enterprise of raising boys to be gentlemen has high stakes amidst a national backdrop of growing division, disrespect, and estrangement.

As a pastor and host of a faith and parenting TV show, I have distilled five tips for encouraging parents to raise gentlemen at such a time as this: 

1. Leaders Are Cultivated, Not Opportunists

As I examine my Twitter feed on regular occasion, I notice the loudest voice often wins. Snarky comments boost followings but also add to the growing divide. 

People are thirsty for strong leadership but are often drawn to places that end up dry. I have unfollowed more than one person recently who seemed more bent on sparring with others than leading with patience, humility, and wisdom. 

When I examine the Bible, I am reminded of Moses who had his calling right, but his reaction wrong. He wanted to lead his people away from injustice, but his immediate reaction was murder, which sent him into hiding. 

After decades in the desert, God matured him and enabled him to take a firm, patient stand to lead God’s people to deliverance from slavery. 

I want to impress upon my sons that kingdom growth is slow and abiding, and what happens behind closed doors is more important than what’s flashy. 

If God has tucked you away and is working on you, it’s not lost time, even if you have a heart for impacting more. Entrust your preparation to the Lord and trust his timing. 

2. Listen and Connect with Others

I recently had the Emmy-award winning journalist Linsey Davis on my show. Linsey is the bestselling author of a Christian children’s book on inclusion, and she shared her book’s backstory with me. She noticed how her young son naturally chooses friends based upon common interests (like Legos) rather than differences (like skin color, religion, or political views). While children notice differences, they don’t assign value to them like adults often do. 

I was challenged by her call to intentionally expose children to diversity. She said that she pulled her son out of a great school because he was the only black student. She said that that shouldn’t just matter to her as a black mother; it should matter to the other parents, too. 

Having the opportunity to interact and connect with different people is important learning for everyone. She notes that it’s relationships—not facts—that change people regarding any important social issue, like race.

I’m encouraging my sons to broaden their exposure. They can explore differing perspectives in their coursework, through books, or in relationship. It’s an essential step for their own development and leadership, and it resonates with the work of our Creator God, who must love difference because he made every single one of us. Linsey agrees.

Read Tips #3–5 Here

New Devotion: Train Your Focus

In this devotion, God says, "Do you trust me?" Read on for a fresh take on a familiar passage.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. —Genesis 3:1–6

Our Bibles begin with the familiar accounts of creation and original sin. While much has been written about the Garden of Eden and the events that transpired there, I have recently seen the temptation in a new light.

I can imagine Adam and Eve walking through the garden of plenty. They know God personally. They eat from abundance. They have no shame and experience true contentment—at least until the snake puts into sharp relief the one thing that they cannot have.

It’s interesting that God designed a garden of perfection knowing that there would still be one thing that Adam and Eve could not have. Today, God whispers to you and me: Do you trust me? Can you make your home amidst the many blessings that I have bestowed upon you and trust me with the one—or many—things you do not or cannot have?

Click here to continue reading, and discover the blessing and challenge of your trust walk with God today!

3 Important Grief Resources—Share with a Friend!

Last week, I posted a devotion on comforting someone mourning. I got an email in my inbox from a woman whose friend had suffered a sudden stroke last week. She was spinning from the shock of it and searching for more resources to help. 

As I checked my Twitter feed throughout the week, I was surprised to see many posts on grief from writers whom I respect. 2020 has certainly landed us in uncertainty, and perhaps an offshoot of that is a need to process grief with greater acknowledgement and responsibility. People are hurting.

I wanted to pass along the resources that I suggested to her in my email back. I also wanted to include a prayer for support that I find particularly meaningful. It references the feminine nature of God in scripture, a nature that might feel especially healing when suffering poses more questions than answers:

Hidden God,

You are midwife who works with those in pain to bring 

about new creation. May your healing support us

in our struggle.

You are mothering bird who shelters those in difficulty

under the protective shadow of your wings. Hover over

our troubled hearts.

Come to our help. Bear us up. Be with us in our confusion

and sorrow. Deepen our sense of what remains to us amid

our losses. Strengthen our faith that your divine

compassion is present in ways we cannot see or understand.

We count on your love and mercy. Amen.

This prayer is from Healing Liturgies for the Seasons of Life by Dr. Abigail Rian Evans and is used with permission.

If you're looking for a resource to help you answer grief's questions from a faith perspective, I recommend Jerry Sitter's A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss. If you're looking to support someone who is sick or grieving, I recommend What Can I Say? A Guide to Visiting Friends and Family Who Are Ill by Simon and Karen Fox.

While I do not believe that God wills tragedy, we live in a broken world. Luckily, he experienced that brokenness firsthand too and resurrected. God offers that same power—beauty for ashes—to each of us by faith. No darkness is too dark. Keep straining toward the light; believe in God's promises (Eph. 1:18–21). If you do, God will startle you with his grace, perhaps when you least expect it. When that moment comes, your connection to him will feel realer than anything else. You will know that he lives.

Please share this post with someone who might need it. If you know someone who is looking for new purpose, especially during COVID, please pass along my new book too—its recent publication is timely!